Man versus Squirrel

Have you ever wondered who would win in a battle between a software developer and a squirrel? Well wonder no longer as we’ve got the answer.

It was a cool, crisp, autumn morning in September. There was slight dew on the grass and a faint mist in the air. It was shortly before 8am and Andy Bennett, one of our senior developers, was out on his brand new racing bike, racking up a few miles before a hard day of coding. Head down, eyes up – he moved into the streamline position ensuring the most aerodynamic position possible as he ramped up his speed. Little did he know that a pint-sized, kamikaze terror lay in wait ahead.

As Andy reached terminal velocity, the green blur of passing trees and hedge rows intensified. His focus was purely on the damp tarmac in front of him. All of a sudden, 50 yards ahead, a grey blur appeared from the hedgerow and bounced across the road. Andy slowed his pedalling and momentarily covered the brake levers with his agile developer fingers. Within seconds the grey blur was just ten yards in front of him and bouncing back towards the greenery. The hazard had gone… or so he thought.

Suicide Squirrel

Andy removed his fingers from the levers, firmly gripped the handle bars and continued to cycle – hard. In a matter of moments, the kamikaze creature leaped back into the road leaving Andy helpless and unable to react in time. The squirrel entered the spokes of Andy’s front wheel and was momentarily flung around like a Catherine wheel. Instead of coming to a gradual stop, the head of the little critter caused the wheel to jam. The bike came to an instant stop and this didn’t bode well for the rider. Andy exited his bike in a human cannonball-like fashion. Unfortunately unlike the movies, he didn’t do an action style barrel roll and then jump to his feet. Instead he landed on his shoulder. The impact caused an immediate break of his collarbone in not one, but two places – ouch! The brave little developer made it back to the office with bike in hand and squirrel… still stuck in the wheel. Fortunately the passing of the squirrel was very quick.

Andy said, “As soon as I fell to the ground I immediately looked back to see if the squirrel was OK. Unfortunately it wasn’t alive and must have been killed instantly by the impact”.

Guy Mucklow, managing director at Postcode Anywhere and avid cyclist said, “Well, they’re a complete menace really.”

Andy was whisked off to hospital that morning, but was back at his desk the next day – true dedication. The squirrel had an informal burial in a field neighbouring the office. We do advise anyone cycling through the countryside to watch out for these animals as they are incredibly fast on their feet and won’t stop for anything!

If you would like to see how the squirrel ended up – check out our Facebook page. We warn you though they’re not for the faint-hearted!

We estimate that the odds of this happening to someone are in the billions to one. Do you know of any crazy incidents that have occurred, in or out of the office? Let us know.


  • @TheEnergyBadger

    I’d revise your odds of billions to one – this is the second reported squirrel/bicycle related incident in just over a week:

    Wishing Andy a speedy recovery.

  • Ed Nash

    Well this is getting completely out of control, @TheEnergyBadger. They’re clearing attacking us where we’re at our most vulnerable – on two wheels!

  • @TheEnergyBadger

    These squirrel folk are notorious – they’re clearly total nutters.

  • Graham Lowe

    If this squirrel had survived the traumatic incident he would have definitely ended up in the nut-house! #taxiforone

  • Mike Fisher

    Are you sure you did not bury a “RED” Squirrel?

  • Tim Brown

    People are certainly coming out of their shells with these squirrel/nut themed jokes…

    The story itself is hilarious – Postcode Anywhere you rock.

  • Gordon Jones

    I cannot believe this happened! A really similar thing happened to me a few years ago at the lakes. I ran straight over it though, but it still caused a considerable amount of momentary clenching and loss of control… of the bike of course.

    Guy’s right, they are a bloody menace!

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  • Walt Lee

    Of the many times I’ve gone down, the worst was caused by a skunk that popped out on the trail in front of me. I didn’t actually hit it, but the involuntary reaction of grabbing both brakes with a death grip flipped my straight forward and down onto my face. Lost my front teeth, filleted my upper lip and sustained a serious concusion. Good friends I was riding with took care of getting me to the hospital. The only blessing? The skunk didn’t spray me…

  • Suzanne Woodling

    The pavement. : ) Broken Hip. Broken Wrist. #gohardorgohome

  • Stuart McKim

    This thread has really put a smile on my face – I laughed out loud.

    I thought I was the only unlucky cyclist in the world – thanks for confirming that I’m not;
    I ran into a person at 20mph and broke my shoulder – I was literally, completely black and blue from the waist up!!! The pedestrian stepped out into the road from behind a bus – they didn’t receive a single blemish, unfortunately I had to see the doctor 3 times, had a full body scan, ripped tendons, damaged cartilage, dislocated the shoulder and actually broke the shoulder joint.

    Not a good day.

  • Justin Lortez

    In twenty five years of mountain biking the list reads (smallest to largest): Hundred of frogs/toads/mice/vole tens of birds, a few ducks, tens of dogs, three or four rabbit, a badger and a deer.
    So, most of Farthing Wood has been beneath my wheels at some point. It’s the price of being fast and very quiet. Much of the very small stuff snuffs it, as do the birds. One duck was a a confirmed ex-duck. The sheep and the deer were both full collisions as they simply tried to run through me at speed. Fairly big stops that I was lucky to walk away from.

    Finding the right tyres for fur and feathers is tricky.

  • Cathy Frazier

    One of our junior cycling team’s skill practices is the Squirrel Game. We train our juniors not to panic if a squirrel runs into the group by throwing tennis balls into their path and having them run over them. We started this practice after an adult rider panicked when she saw a squirrel running towards her and slammed on her brakes taking down several riders behind her.

  • Nick Gritton

    Tour of Ireland around ’86 Alan Gornall riding for GB hit a cow on a decent and broke both his legs and the cow was shot by the side of the road…..irony is he was a beef farmer.